theZeph

namely, fit for a dog

Archive for the ‘good ideas’ Category

deFURred

with 5 comments

Each year I take a grooming vacation.

That isn’t to say I head off to some man spa to get my hair done. No, what I mean is I take a vacation from grooming…no haircuts, no shaving. This year was an unusually long vacation (4 months).

At the end of each hair vacation comes a day of joy and sadness. Joy on theWife’s part because she gets to see the more kempt side of me again. Sadness on my part because I will be dedicating more time each week to grooming.

When people debate the evolution of man, I need only look inward at my own grooming sadness for proof that I have indeed evolved from a chimpanzee (theWife would argue I have yet to complete the process).

Some years The Day has less sadness than others. For instance, one year I was on a road trip with friends when The Day arrived. After shaving my fantastically long goatee I was inspired by Calvin (the cartoon character, not the theologian) to deposit the trimmings neatly in the shorts pocket of one of my traveling companions.

I did, however, overlook one detail. He didn’t WEAR the shorts that day. Instead he packed them up and took them home, where his WIFE did the laundry…

Needless to say she was inconsolable. And although my friend was with me the entire day before the trim and the entire day AFTER the trim – he is certain I had groomed my “nether regions” and deposited those trimmings in his pocket. (Skiddy – again I assure you it was my goatee and I plead for forgiveness).

So I woke up early THIS morning to prepare for the 2009 version of The Day. This year, thanks to you, I had some help determining the shave du’jour. While there were some intriguing suggestions, in the end it was an easy decision (theWife was right…I did indeed bite).

While Melissa’s submission was great and reminded me of William Peterson as Pat Garrett in Young Guns II, I quickly realized that I didn’t have enough moustache volume to pull it off.

[cue lightbulb over head and dinging bell sound]

I’ve got it…REPURPOSE the trimmings. GENIUS!

Admittedly my repurposing of the trimmings got a little out of hand.

And so without further ado, I present the Pat Garrett/Frida “do”:

garrett-frida

theWife’s reaction:

[full body shudder] “ugh…THAT won’t fly. I am SO glad you are going away this weekend.”

theFirst Born’s reaction:

“umm…dad, why does your face look like a different man’s face?”

Needless to say the shelf life for this “do” will likely be short.

Written by eber

March 6, 2009 at 9:13 am

i elect to deFUR

with 21 comments

I don’t think it’s a great secret that I really like football; but there’s one thing that just drives me nutso. If you win the coin toss…why on the great green earth do you defer? Lamest idea in the history of sports.

Scratch that. Curling is the lamest idea in the history of sports.

For me, changing looks has kinda become a sport in and of itself. Those of you who know me have also known the many phases of me. For those of you who aren’t as familiar, you can get a flavor here:

hair1

I have a tendency to switch things up a bit. Keep it interesting, if you will.

Sometimes good and sometimes…not so much.

So in the past two days, no fewer than 12 friends and colleagues have given me and my current “do” an unusual amount of grief. Not sure why, really. I mean I haven’t shaved much since October and the hair is looking a bit…Chris McCandless.

Have a look:

bad-hair

So after suffering through almost a week of people calling me Squatch (among other unmentionables), I have won the proverbial coin toss.

And I elect to deFUR.

This is where you come in.

The hair is off limits – I’ll let Jessi the Barber decide what to do there.

But the beard…that’s a whole nother story.

Give me your best ideas and I will shave accordingly (I draw the line at the Hitler stache, but the Ron Jeremy stache is negotiable).

Written by eber

March 2, 2009 at 12:00 am

he likes the bad guys

with 4 comments

A blessed occurrence happened this past November.

theFirst Born and I had one of those cherished bonding moments that will be forever etched in memory (or on the blog).   Over one glorious weekend I introduced him to The Trilogy.  It goes without saying he has been forever changed.  For a week after being exposed he walked around breathing heavily and talking through clenched teeth (this must be a 4-year old’s interpretation of Darth Vader: “I can hear him talking and breathing but his mouth isn’t moving”).

Funny thing though…he NEVER pretends to be Luke or Han Solo (my personal favorite). He always wants to be Darth Vader and he only ever uses the RED lightsaber.

“Dad, your lightsaber is green.  MINE IS RED…he he he.”

Thankfully he has yet to mime the dreaded Vader Choke. That will likely come when he is 16…can’t wait for that.

Side note: what father wouldn’t feel a sense of attachment when his son says: “Dad…Princess Leia is BEAUTIFUL.”  I remember thinking the same thing…WHEN I WAS TWELVE.  To his credit he also tells his Mom the same almost daily and thankfully he still hasn’t figured out the difference between Leia in a white robe and Leia in the Jabba bikini. At least some youthful innocence is intact.

Anyhoo, as I was saying…bad guys.

Another of his favorites is Hopper from A Bug’s Life.  As you watch the first ten seconds of the video below picture my 4 year old son with his arms folded behind his back, high stepping around the house; facial expression fixed in permanent grimace.

Admittedly, it is very entertaining.

Up until last week I thought his deference to villainous characters was a passing fancy.  Then theWife took him on his first trip to the library where after looking through the comprehensive children’s offering, he chose THIS of all titles:

villains1

Disney Villains: The Essential Guide.

I think I have created a monster.

Did I mention he is only FOUR YEARS OLD?

In hindsight, that fateful weekend in November may be identified as:

a)  the turning point, after I’ve been ambushed Menendez style

or

b)  the impetus of a life in Hollywood landing roles a la Willem Dafoe, Kevin Spacey, or  Alec Baldwin

On second thought maybe me going out in a fury of Menendez violence is better than theFirst Born turning out like Alec Baldwin.

I’m in trouble…aren’t I?

Written by eber

February 25, 2009 at 10:18 pm

i had a pretty good idea

with 16 comments

When I was younger one of my very most favorite movies was Point Break…really, it was.   Consequently, I thought it would be neato to some day name my first son after Patrick Swayze’s character in the movie – Bodhi Zepha (I altered the spelling so I could call him The Zeph).  Nevermind that Buddhism and Steely Dan already had the idea for quite some time. 

Anyhoo, fast forward some years to the arrival of The First Born…little Bodhi Zepha.  The Wife?  Not on board. 

Tried again two years later with The Second Son.  Didn’t work out. 

The Wife said “when we get a dog you can name him The Zeph.” 

12 years later…no dog. 

Switch a letter, add a letter. Next best thing? 

Name the blog theZeph. GENIUS.

The Wife?

She’s on board.

Written by eber

January 24, 2009 at 10:54 pm